Resident FS1 Moron, Colin Cowherd, Says Things a Moron Would Say

It seems as if the producers of shows at FS1 get together and draw names out of a hat to determine which talking head on their shitty network will make a terrible headline that day. Congrats, Colin Cowherd, today is your big day! If you missed Colin’s little rant today, and you probably did because no one is watching FS1, here it is in all it’s lazy journalistic glory:

I’m not gonna lie, a lot of Philly fans may have found this infuriating but I actually thought it was hilarious. Not only because of the amount of hot takes he spewed in three minutes but also because of how quickly it spiraled out of control. The only thing I could think of while watching this (aside from “wow, FS1 is a shit show”) is this classic Michael Scott quote:

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I shouldn’t be upset over quotes from a guy who gets paid to say outlandish things, but I just want one week where I can enjoy my team’s win in peace. So let’s break down this hot takeapalooza one minute in the video at a time.

Firstly, in regards to being the “dumbest sports city in America” for “running Andy Reid out of town”, let’s set the record straight. As a ginger, us red guys have to stick together, so I will always have the utmost respect for a guy nicknamed, “Big Red”. All praise to the most Red. On a serious note, Reid was a fantastic coach and continues to be a creative offensive mind in the NFL. He gave us some of the best years of Eagles football we will ever see and I am so grateful for that. After a long tenure (especially long by NFL standards), the death of his son, and a 4-12 season, it was clearly time for a change. It seemed as if even Andy knew that the ride was over and was ready for a change of scenery. It wasn’t like we lost to the Patriots in the Super Bowl and the next day we picked up pitchforks and torches and marched to the NovaCare complex demanding Andy be burned at the stake.

Cowherd then starts comparing Reid’s coaching resume to some legendary coaches and posts the question why Reid isn’t treated with the same respect as these heralded names. Now, as a logically thinking fan, the answer is pretty obvious but I guess not to Colin. Why are Bill Parcells, Mike Holmgren and Tom Coughlin, thought of more profoundly than Reid? Hmmm I don’t know man, maybe the fucking Super Bowls they all won. He rips off a bunch of Super Bowl winning coaches names and then asks why Reid, who has never won a Super Bowl, isn’t treated with the same respect. But yeah, we are the dumb ones.

Then somehow this rant spiraled into Philly running Jay Wright out of town too. Where the hell did that come from? Yeah, it would be nice if the guy didn’t lose to Mount St. Mary’s or an 8 seed every March but I think Wright’s job security is solid. Villanova hasn’t made it past the first weekend in 7 of the past 8 tournament’s so excuse us if there are some critics. Wright bulldozed a sex scandal with a student and went on to win a national title so I’d say he’s pretty prominent and powerful in Philadelphia, not being run out of town. It just goes to show how badly FS1 personalities are grasping at straws for ratings.

Cowherd’s big outro to his anti-Philly rant was like watching someone throw up: it is so cringe worthy yet you can’t look away. From saying Philadelphia ran George Washington out of town to saying Philly natives can’t read, the secondhand awkwardness was flowing through my veins.

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Imagine having the power of  a major sports network at your fingertips, a fully equipped staff, and a multi-million dollar TV contract, and all you could come up with is, “Maybe Philly fans are so dopey, they don’t like the word ‘Reid’. They don’t like to read”. What a joke.

I hope we sack Carson Palmer 14 times on Sunday.


By Aidan Powers | October 3, 2017