I Have Absolutely No Sympathy For Vikings Fans

 If you’ve ever seen The Office, in the later seasons, Dwight becomes the property manager of the business park where Dunder Mifflin is located. During his reign, he hires a handyman to do work around the grounds. His first task on the job as the handyman is to get rid of a hornets nest outside and Dwight gives him an assortment of weapons including a baseball bat, blow torch and a bow and arrow to complete the task. He tries to beat the hornets nest with a baseball bat, swinging aimlessly at them and ends up getting stung a million times while the office watches. I think that would accurately describe how Minnesota Vikings fans handled their encounters at Lincoln Financial Field this past week.

Vikings faithful essentially walked up to the hornets nest that is The Linc, ignorantly swung at it, and then cried like pathetic little babies when they got stung and had to go home swollen and sore. They had the damn nerve to say they were a better fan base who was going to invade Philadelphia on Gameday and said they were fearful of gang ridden streets when they got there. So, they ruffled feathers before ever leaving that decrepit frozen tundra they call a city. Once they got here, they thought it was so cute to dress up Rocky in purple, do that stupid ‘SKOL’ chant at the Art Museum and pretty much do every corny tourist thing imaginable. After all that, they expected a red carpet rolled out for them from AT&T station to Lincoln Financial Field. Are you kidding me? The pure arrogance to walk into this city and think you were going to run shit boils my blood to the point I could care less what happened to those people.
 Is Philly rough around the edges? Yes, absolutely. But we showed Minneapolis what a real sports town looks like while Vikings came off as soft, sore losers, the worst two things you can be as a fan.
 Was throwing beer cans at Vikings fans on their way in over the line? Yes, and I do feel bad about that. It’s a scummy thing to do and more importantly, it’s a waste of beer. But, aside from that, there was nothing I saw in my time in the parking lot that signified Philly fans being scumbags. What it boils down to is people from Minnesota are too thin skinned to handle a real sports city and they couldn’t handle some shouting and obscenities. Yeah, you got yelled at in a parking lot full of day drunk Philly faithful and backed down, coming off as spineless cowards, which is fitting considering that’s exactly how their team played.
 If those scores are reversed, are Vikings fans even saying word one about how they were treated in the NFC championship? My guess is no, but we will never know because their team was scared of the moment. When Dreams and Nightmares blared out over the loudspeakers and the Eagles players went ballistic, I think it hit the Vikings and their several fans that made the trip that their season was over. Game. Blouses.
 Now that it’s all said and done and those Minnesotans had to go back to their miserable lives, they are plotting some of the worst revenge schemes I’ve ever heard.

Dropping Eagles fans off in the middle of nowhere? Throwing stuff at them? I feel like I could come up with better things if I had as much free time now as Vikings fans do.

 The best part about all this and the real cherry on top is we now go to their stadium and their city with a chance to win our first Super Bowl. We disrespected the hell out of their fan base, embarrassed their team in front of the entire country, and now we get to show them what a true invasion of a city looks like.

By Aidan Powers | January 24, 2018