The Biggest Takeaway From the Sixers Opening Night Loss Is That Reggie Miller Sucks as a Commentator

Well, Opening Night in the NBA has came and went and the Sixers fell 105-87 to the Celtics. Shocking that two teams with the same rosters as a year ago yielded the same result as their matchups a year ago. The Celtics look a step ahead of the Sixers at every move and the Warriors got rings then looked ungodly good. Time is a flat circle in the NBA my friends.

Despite the disappointing loss here are some positives we can fall back on:
1) We don’t root for clowns who do staredowns after blocked in dunk attempts and bank shots.
2) We aren’t peaking like the Celtics are right now.
3) Ben Simmons is good.
Also, we don’t use the hashtag #CUsRise, that has got to count for some sort of moral victory.
But, my biggest takeaway of the night had to be that I forgot how bad Reggie Miller is at his job. Watching Aron Baynes hit threes while Miller does color commentary is like having the spins. You don’t know how you got there, but now you’re trapped, and you can’t figure out why the world is spinning the way it is.
It’s like, you know when the Eagles have the Barber brothers as commentators so you know they are automatically going to lose, no matter the opponent? I will now have that feeling every time the Sixers get Reggie Miller on the call. There were so many moments during the game where I tuned the announcers out but then Miller said something so outrageous I couldn’t help but notice:

“It was almost like it was blocked in! But also it was an and one!”
Miller’s performance was the only thing worse than the Sixers’ bench.
One last analysis: Markelle Fultz, please be better at basketball, I am sad.
Alright, thank you for enjoying this in-depth breakdown. See you all for the home opener against the Bulls.
By Aidan Powers | October 17, 2018