As An Expert On Hangovers, Here’s How the Eagles Can Get Rid of the One They Have From the Super Bowl
As a young guy, I know a thing or two about boozing on the weekend and raging face. Then, waking up in the morning and thinking, “wow, did anyone get the license plate of the truck that hit me?”. Hungover as a pig. And that ladies and gentleman, is exactly where the Eagles are right now. They just spent the night throwing back tequila shots and going home with the girl from the bar who thinks you’re in law school (winning the Super Bowl). They just woke up the next day so hungover it feels like their brain is being steamrolled into soft pink pavement (starting 2-3). Through a lot of experimental research I’ve done, here are some ways the Eagles can overcome their (Super Bowl) hangover.
Drink Some More:
Classic move that I’ve never believed was actually true. If you’re hungover, just start drinking again to get rid of it. Side bar, that’s definitely not true, I think you just get drunk enough you forget you’re hungover. But for the Eagles, they need to keep drinking again and again and again. What this teams needs is game repetition. The more they play they, the better they will get. This off-season was full of surgeries, book signings, and interviews. Once the season rolled around, the team as a whole looked completely out of sync. The only thing that’s going to get them back on track is playing more games.
Get Something Fat and Greasy:
Nothing satisfies a hangover quite like the rush of grease from a Five Guys “regular” meal, which is really a double cheeseburger and literally a bag full of fries. You need something fatty, and the Eagles have to get the fat guys going. Jay Ajayi was right when he said the Eagles should run the ball more. Maybe he shouldn’t be the one to say it seeing he fumbled at the five yard line, but he wasn’t wrong. The offensive line seems to really love running the ball. It’s get them into a groove. Then, once their in a groove the rest of the offense follows suit until the entire unit is in perfect rhythm. It’s a chain reaction. The best thing to compare it to is that scene in The Office where Pam throws up, so Andy throws up, and then the whole office throws up. Another classic chain reaction.
Rely on the Cure All: Pedialyte
Carson Wentz is Philadelphia’s pedialyte. He is the instant refresher that saves you when nothing else can. With Wentz, the Eagles will be in every game for the next decade and so on. Whether it’s the offensive line adequately protecting him, the receivers getting open, or the coaches putting the offensive in positions to succeed, just put the man in a position to ball out. Once you get Carson Wentz going, you will be hangover free and back on the road to the playoffs.